OK, get ready. No instrument is sacred here! (Warning: Woodwind and brass players should not read this while playing.)
The prodigy: A boy said to his dad, “I want to be a musician when I grow up.” His dad said, “Hold on there son, you can’t do both.”
Harmonica: What do you call a harmonica player’s accompanist? Fido.
Viola: The violist said to the violinist, “You know, we violists can play 64th notes.” The violinist said, “Oh, yeah? Let’s hear them.” So the violist played him one.
Altos: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? None. They can’t get up that high.
Oboe: What is a minor second? Two oboes playing in unison.
French Horn: How can you make a trombone sound like a French horn? Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
Bagpipes: Why do pipers always walk while they play? To get away from the noise.
OH YES, LOTS MORE BELOW… [···]